


Hauntingly Familiar

by verucasalt123



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Arguing, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Past Kate Argent/Derek Hale, Past Underage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 23:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3587667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verucasalt123/pseuds/verucasalt123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles really needed to make Derek understand this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hauntingly Familiar

_the moment that I first laid eyes on him_   
_all alone on the edge of seventeen_

 

Just about everyone close to Derek and Stiles were actually happy for both of them when they finally admitted, shortly after Stiles turned eighteen, that they were in a romantic relationship. Even the Sheriff was only annoyed for a day or two – and it wasn’t because Stiles was having sex at age seventeen, because he lived in the real world and he knew it wasn’t unusual for seventeen year olds to be sexually active. Sure, he didn’t like that he’d been lied to, and he didn’t like that technically, Derek and his son had been breaking the law, which would have reflected badly on him professionally. But it was clear at this point – to everyone really – that the two of them cared for each other very deeply and that it was a solid and loving relationship.

The people who loved them were happy for them. That’s the point here. 

Stiles and Derek were happy too. Especially after they felt they didn’t have to hide anymore; what they had together didn’t feel _wrong_ , so why should they be forced to keep it a secret?

There were times, though, when Derek got that feeling. Stiles could read it on his face every time it crossed Derek’s mind and after having discussed it a few times, Stiles really hoped that each discussion would be the last. The one that cleared away Derek’s guilt, that made him stop drawing a similarity between himself and Kate. But it seemed like nothing could keep it away for too long. Everything would be fine, for weeks, sometimes for months, and then Derek would get _that look_ and go on what Stiles started calling a penance rampage. Spending an entire Saturday replacing roof tiles on the Sheriff’s house. Using his day off to make every possible repair to Melissa’s aging plumbing and electrical systems. Grocery shopping and cooking all day so he could prepare Stiles’ favorite meal for dinner. 

Normally, these were things Derek would be happy to do for anyone. But it was different like this. Stiles could always tell when he got the bug, that itchy feeling inside that he had something to atone for. And honestly, Stiles loved Derek with everything he had, but he didn’t think he could take any more of that. 

In the middle of one of these whirlwinds, Stiles sat Derek down at the kitchen table and started another conversation about how all this wasn’t necessary. Derek usually would agree quickly, but Stiles was beginning to think it was because he didn’t want to get too deep into the subject matter. Well, this time that was just too fucking bad. Stiles was going to say what he wanted, he was going to ask Derek questions and he was going to force Derek to answer them honestly. There would be specifics. The name Kate Argent would be spoken. And it was going to suck. But damn it, Stiles was at the end of his patience for this bullshit. 

“Derek, we’ve got to talk about this. And not how we usually talk about it. You’re not gonna convince me that you’re fine after five minutes and you’re going to answer my questions and learn to live with the _reality_ of what we have; what we’ve always had. We keep talking about moving things forward, finding a new place together, we’ve even brought up the idea of marriage a couple of times. But none of that is going to happen as long as you keep letting this guilt creep in. If you feel guilty, it means you feel like you did something wrong. Do you think you did something wrong by starting a relationship with me?”

Shit. Derek was literally sweating. He could tell that Stiles was done dealing with these occasional bouts of him letting that little bug in his ear make him compare himself to Kate. 

“Derek”, Stiles snapped. “Words. Now.”

All right, so Stiles was really pissed this time. “I don’t think our relationship is wrong. You know that sometimes I just get this guilty feeling sometimes that we didn’t wait until you were eighteen.”

“Yes, I do, and you know how ridiculous that is. So, tell me this. How different was I at eighteen than I was at seventeen and a half?”

This was ground they’d covered before. “You know you didn’t turn into a different person during those few months. I’ve already admitted that, Stiles! It’s just the principle-”

“Oh, so now we’re on to principles”, Stiles interrupted, getting more impatient as the conversation went on. “All right. So, even without the whole _I’m an evil murdering freak_ thing that you didn’t know about Kate – would you have been able to consent to a relationship with her when you were seventeen?”

Derek used the back of his shirt sleeve to brush the perspiration from his temple. Now they were going to talk about Kate. Like, actually use her name and everything. He didn’t want Stiles to get more angry by taking too long to answer him, so he just said, “Yes. Yeah, at seventeen I was perfectly capable of consenting to a sexual relationship, even though she was older.”

“As was I”, Stiles responded, smiling and handing Derek a roll of paper towels. “Even though you were older. But you weren’t hiding any dark secrets from me, were you?”

“Of course not! You know that”, Derek said, feeling like he was on the defensive now. “You and I were always honest about things once we finally got around to admitting our attraction to each other. At least I think we were.”

Still smiling, Stiles nodded. “You’re right. We were both up front about our feelings and neither of us had some kind of sinister ulterior motive for getting closer to each other. So, there we go with another example of how un-Kate-like you were when the two of us started getting together.”

“Stiles, you are _well_ aware that these are all things I know. Logically, in my brain, I do know all of this is true. I can’t help it that every now and then I get this feeling like I need to make up for…I don’t know. Taking your innocence?”

At this, Stiles couldn’t contain himself from laughing out loud. “Innocence? Derek, are you fucking serious right now? There is no way you could possibly think I had an ounce of innocence left in me by that point. You know everything I went through. You were there for most of it. I wasn’t some wide-eyed virgin who had no experience with the dark side of the world.”

“You were a virgin, though”, Derek mumbled in reply. 

“That is a technicality and you know it as well as I do. Virginity is a-”

“Meaningless social construct that’s designed to make young people think ignoring their sexual urges is the right thing to do. Thank you, I didn’t realize you’d invited Lydia to dinner tonight”, Derek spat back at Stiles. 

“Okay, okay Derek, that’s fine. Get pissed off if you want to. I’m already pissed off. I am prepared to sit right here, or walk around this loft for the entirety of the evening arguing with you about this until you are ready to swear to me that you’re done feeling like you have to do penance for participating in a loving, consensual act. I will not tolerate the presence of a third person in this relationship! I mean, if age is going to get pulled in to the conversation, we can totally go with that. Did Kate start coming on to you a couple of months before you turned eighteen? Hmmm? Was she dropping her panties for you in your senior year of high school?”

At this point, Derek’s face was red and he pushed his chair back so he could pace and possibly get out some of the pent-up energy that went along with the anger he was feeling due to Stiles being so…vulgar. Specific. Whatever.

 

“No, Stiles. No, I was not a senior in high school, you already know that. I wasn’t seventeen.”

“How old were you? The first time you kissed her, how old were you, Derek?” Stiles knew he was really pushing it but this had to be done. 

Knocking over his chair, Derek shouted back, “Fifteen. I was fucking fifteen, Stiles. And I am fairly certain that you already knew that too. You don’t have to be so damn-”

“Honest?”

“Gross. You think I want you thinking about me and her? The things we did together? You think _I_ want to revisit those particular memories?”

“No, I don’t. I don’t think you want to at all. But it is way past time for you to get rid of whatever leftover piece of guilt you have in your heart because you’re comparing our relationship to the one you had with _her_!” By now, Stiles was pacing and shouting too. “How do you think that makes me feel? To know that you let yourself get into a mindset that would allow you to think that anything about us is even remotely similar to anything that happened between you and Kate? Did you ever consider that? Even for a minute?”

Derek stopped in his tracks. He stood staring at Stiles, the most amazing man he’d ever known, the man he wanted to spend every last moment of his life with, the man he wanted to start a family with and embarrass their kids with and retire with and whose hand he wanted to be holding when he took his very last breath on this earth. How could he have missed it? How could he not have seen that even the slightest thing that made it look like comparing what they had with the pile of lies and heartbreak he’d shared with…her…would be hurtful to Stiles?

Finally growing quiet, Derek slowly moved toward Stiles and attempted to touch his face, but Stiles wasn’t having it. He moved a step back, still angry and wild-eyed; Derek could hear his heart racing and was so happy to know that heart well enough that he could tell the difference between excited and pissed off and a panic attack. 

“No, Stiles. No, I didn’t. When you said that just now – I can’t believe I never made the connection. You have to know that what we have is wonderful. It’s a miracle. It’s nothing like…” All right, Stiles was strong enough to do it, Derek could be strong enough to do it, too. “It’s nothing like what happened between me and Kate. There has never been anything wrong about the two of us being together, not ever, and I am so, so sorry. I don’t have any idea how to make this up to you.”

Turning around and moving so that the space between them closed again, Stiles answered Derek in a calm voice. “ _Nothing_ , Derek. You don’t have to do anything to make up for anything, not to me, not to my dad, not to anyone. The only thing you have to do is promise me that this is over. That now you’ve recognized the truth and you accept it and you know that _you are not her and I am not you_. If you can do that, we’ll never have to have this conversation again. I’ll never have to see that look on your face that says you took advantage of me. I’ll never feel like you’re ashamed of how our relationship started.”

Derek took a few deep breaths, feeling that ugliness bleed out of him in the space of just a few moments – something he hadn’t been able to do for years. But now…he could do it now because of Stiles. Because Stiles was brave and strong and not too afraid of awkwardness or anger that might result from starting this conversation. 

“I am so lucky to have you, Stiles. You’ve been so patient. And now that you didn’t give me any choice but to confront the truth, you took away something that’s been hurting both of us for so long. I have no idea what I did to deserve you.”

Stiles closed the small distance between them and allowed Derek to touch his face the way he’d tried to before. “And I have no idea what I did to deserve you. But I don’t care. Whatever it is, it means that we’re together. Just you and me.”

Derek didn’t think he’d felt so light and unburdened in years. “Just you and me. Yeah.”


End file.
